Wednesday, May 13, 2009


On Friday evening, Michael McLean came to the FSA conference. He sat at my dining table and I was able to listen to him visit with people and watch the interaction. I did not want to hog his time and didn’t have much to say because I thought his presence was for the other people attending the conference. Tara says she “loves him because he is depressed”. We wondered if he were not depressed if he would be able to write the songs. We also wondered what “depression” could teach an individual struggling with heavy feelings.

Michael’s performance was like a fireside. He spoke about his songs/feelings/learning and then sang the song. He shared his experience of having the Savior closer to his life and how that came to be—he started seeing things differently. He spoke a little of his wife and children. He shared about becoming a “grandpa” and having a new perspective of parents of a placing birth mom.
In the end, Michael invited the audience to sing the chorus with him. We weren’t loud enough the first time, so we did it again. (Does that sound like Primary?) I was glad to sing again because I wanted to get louder and feel more. I was sitting with Tara on one side and my daughter on the other. Next to my daughter was the agency attorney who received an award that evening for being a “Friend of Adoption”. I think he is a great man and appreciate what he does for the agency. The four of us joined arms (Michael’s request) and sang along, getting louder and louder. I felt connected, in that row, to some of the pain that might be felt and the hope for healing. I know my pain isn’t like anyone else’s. We all suffer or feel in different ways. Tara has asked me how I can be so “happy” and I tell her it is a choice for me. I cannot afford to go “under”. Anyway, as Tara said, working with birth moms is painful----YET, what else would we do?

These girls are heroes to me and they deserve to be loved and supported. I choose to be a part of that, even if it means I have to see and experience pain.
I hope that people everywhere, especially birth moms, will find the love, peace and healing they need as they “never forget”.

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