Thursday, April 30, 2009


Saturday, February 25, 2006

A few days before group, Heidi called to tell me she had just moved to the area, placed her baby 4 years ago and wanted to come to group to meet and help other girls. I was happy to hear from her because it can be helpful to pregnant girls to hear the stories of other birth mothers. Luckily, group was the following day and I was expecting as many as 8 girls—a larger number than usual. Most of the girls would be new to the group experience. (Girls come and go as they have their baby.)

Heidi was the focus of the group. She shared her story of pregnancy, decision process and placing her baby for adoption. She brought her photo album full of pictures and letters that she had received over the years from the adoptive couple. Heidi had recently married in 2005. Over the past 4 years, she had continued to have contact with the birth father. She said she “loved him” and felt drawn to him. She has come to realize, now that she is married, that the birth father had been her “drug of choice”. Together they fed off of each other. She turned to him to feel good about herself and tried to control him in order to get her needs met. (Sound familiar to anyone?)

I asked Heidi what her relationship was like with her husband. She said it was much different. She said she realizes now that back then “she was worth a lot more than she gave herself credit for.” I asked her to repeat this back to the group again. I asked the girls to think about this statement and how it might relate to them. So often a girl/woman will give up what she wants because she has something not so good, but at least she has something. This could be a guy or a lesser goal. In reality, a girl probably has nothing at all. She settles for less.Think about what you want---really want. Then see if your choices/behavior are leading you towards what you want. If you are not going towards what you want, maybe it is time to make some changes.

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