GROUP

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

We had Birth Parent group again. Currently, we have been meeting every other Monday for about 1 ½ hours to visit and share information. This meeting was the “Christmas Party”. The attendees brought cookies to exchange and a “white elephant” gift. I usually don’t enjoy the gag gift game because it seems like such a waste of time. Tonight, all the gifts were something that someone (or at least me) would want and could use. As I watched, I was pleased for the 5 birth moms attending because they would go home with a cookie tray and a gift. Being pregnant, single and sometimes young, can feel like an alone and scary time. What is going to happen to me? How will I get through this? What will people think or how will they treat me? Group can help a girl feel less alone.

We had a new visitor to group tonight. She is currently living on a military base and feeling somewhat isolated. She enjoyed the contact with other women in the same situation she was in. Several time she said to one of the other girls, “that is just like me (my situation)”. I felt happy for her that she wouldn’t have to be as alone as she had been because she came to group. She also mentioned that she was “confused”. I explained that was normal. During pregnancy, the hormones are up and down. That can also affect the decision process. Placing a child for adoption, single parenting or marriage are all important decisions. Each comes with consequences that are not fully known. Placing a child for adoption and being in the child’s life on a day to day basis can seem impossible to bear. Raising a child alone as a single mother, facing the challenges alone, over and over can also be overwhelming and far longer lasting to a young woman and to the child. Therefore the decision can fluctuate as information is gathered. It is a decision that takes maturity and uses the head and the heart. I often ask the questions—“who are you thinking of, the child or yourself?”

Because I have been a part of group for 15 years, it sometimes seems boring to me—especially if no one picks up the conversation. I know, however, that attending group offers a support to these girls as they gather information to aid them in their decision. Some girls have already decided to place. In group they can learn about how other girls placed their child and what that experience was like. Several weeks ago, I asked a past Birth Mom to come to group and share her story. She was 16 years old at the time of her pregnancy. She kept. For over 4 years she struggled through life with birth father, various relationships with friends and boys, ups/downs with parents. She loves her daughter and wishes she had placed her for adoption. “C” is now recently married which brings up new challenges. When she was 16 years old, she hoped that some day she would work in the legal field. At this time of her life, she hasn’t graduated from high school and has trouble keeping a job due to juggling a child and the stress in her life. She loves her child, she also see the struggles she has with her daughter as she, as the mother, tries to get through life. Now, she wishes she could give her daughter more and that she had more to give to herself.