Friday, December 25, 2009


Rich, a co-worker, teased me and said I was a birth mother grandma. How you ask???

I worked briefly with a young woman that transferred to another office to keep things confidential. As the process continued, I was called upon to work with the birth father. In order to “bond” with him and seek his cooperation, I knew he was a hunter/sport mans/fisher man/outdoors man, as was my brother. We shared stories to get acquainted. Birth father did not want to place, but said he would cooperate with adoption if my brother would adoption his child. Much to my surprise, I called birth mom and my brother and a beautiful baby boy eventually came into my family through this birth mom and dad.

Fast forward to the present…………birth mom and I keep in contact a little. She has fertility issues and lost a pregnancy. Her husband is diagnosed with cancer which puts a hold on further pregnancy plans. They decide to try the adoption process. The study would be completed by another office.

I was sitting in my office one day, meeting with a new birth mom for the first visit. She said she was determined to do adoption—it was the best for her child. I listened to her. She said she had already met a family. I listened. When she told me the adoptive family lived in another state, I thought to myself, I need to show her some of our couples. The couple she met was a friend of her sister and I didn’t want her to try to please her sister. I asked a few more questions and suddenly realized that the couple this birth mom had chosen by the birth mom mentioned in paragraph #2. I was so excited and animated inside my body that I found it hard to contain myself. I continued to “calmly” ask questions to make sure my assumption was correct. I glowed when I realized that my nephew’s birth mother might soon be an adoptive mother.

After several months and some occasional contact from all parties, a baby girl was born the end of the year and placed with her new family. Hence, I am a birth mother grandma.

I must say it was interesting for me, as I am sure it was for adoptive mom, to see the different sides of the coin. As a birth mom, she wanted more openness. As an adoptive mom, she wanted some confidentiality and privacy. All parties are working towards a comfortable balance.

I guess when I have worked here for so long, I might be a part of many interesting things.
Adoptive mom sent me a sweet card……”You have helped me so much in my life. Knowing you has forever changed me. Thank you. I love you.” Reading that and hearing those same words occasionally from other girls, makes this difficult work all worth it. There is no way I feel the same pain that my girls feel, but I am exposed to it over and over. I watch them struggle. I pray for their future success and happiness as they work through their grief.

I NEVER thought I would work with birth moms for 20 years.
Now, I find that I cannot leave.
You girl ROCK!
Go forward with strength and confidence.
Remember you sacrifice and build your future.
No one can fully understand your experience.
But, you are the master of your future.
Make it great!

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