Thursday, December 25, 2008

Rip Your Heart Out

This was a "phrase" I heard from Tara----rip your heart out. When I talk to birth moms now, I tell them that placing your child will feel like having your heart riped out of your soul. In the beginning, the pain is so strong from the loose that it feels like you might die. I don't know how to prepare someone for what she might feel. All the spiritual confirmation, good decision making skills, planning and more----it all seems to leave when the grief pours into one's heart.

Just recently, a young girl called me the day after placement. She said, "I think I have made the wrong decision. I want my baby back." All I got was a message on my cell phone. I called and called her, but we didn't connect until she texted me and said---I am taking a sleeping pill and will call you later. A few days later, I finally reached her by phone. She sounded like a different person. She told me that she told her mother to "back off" (she had been encouraging her to single parent because of the pain). She said that once she got some sleep, the pain lessened a little. She had also heard from the adoptive couple and knew that they would continue to "honor" her. She said, "I know I have made the right decision". She also told me that she wanted to talk to other girls to help them through the process. That is a success story to me. I know it is not a total "happy ending". I know that she will still have tear, questions and sad times--especially at night. My hope is that this experience will give her new insight into herself and see the courage she has displayed. If you can place your baby for adoption, I think you can do almost anything.

I don't live in SLC, but recently visited. I just wanted to share some beautiful photos to lighten up this blog.

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