I forgot to mention that I have imported my first blog into this blog. The first blog is in purple.
I tried to keep the date on each entry.
I tried to keep the date on each entry.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
PLACEMENT
5/11/2009
Today I met with Lisa and her chosen adoptive couple to do placement. Due to distance, I had not met either party prior to this day. There was some apprehension because birth father had showed up and wanted involvement in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. Although he said he was going to cooperate with adoption, there was still a concern from birth mom that he might try to disrupt her plans for the adoption.
After meeting with birth mom and adoptive couple, we did the official “placement”. Baby was a star at this time by pooping his pants about 3 times in 30 min. Apparently he had been saving up. We all knew that the birth father would be arriving soon, so we decided that they would leave so that they did not bump into each other in departure/arrival. Just as they left my hotel room, the birth father called saying that he was down stairs. I had a brief feeling of panic that they would all collide in the hall way. Lucky for all of us, he came up a different entrance and they missed each other.
During my meeting with birth father, he said he would like to meet “his baby” before he signed. I called the adoptive couple and they agreed to return with baby to meet the birth father. When everyone arrived, I was impressed with the birth father’s tender response in hugging birth mom. He was tearful in meeting the couple and baby. We all visited a short time before he was ready to sign the legal consent. We continued to visit and share information. It was a sweet experience and will bring peace to all parties for the opportunity to meet.
Previously, the adoptive dad told me that their first son was only 19 months old. They had just completed their Adoption Study and were on the “beta” web site. The mom was concerned that their profile would not be seen unless they got onto the “old” web site. They went thru the hassle of getting onto the site and had 2 hits on the same day—both from my birth moms. They were chosen by Lisa. They felt that the Lord led them to each other. They also had picked the same name for “their child”. How cool is that?
Today I met with Lisa and her chosen adoptive couple to do placement. Due to distance, I had not met either party prior to this day. There was some apprehension because birth father had showed up and wanted involvement in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. Although he said he was going to cooperate with adoption, there was still a concern from birth mom that he might try to disrupt her plans for the adoption.
After meeting with birth mom and adoptive couple, we did the official “placement”. Baby was a star at this time by pooping his pants about 3 times in 30 min. Apparently he had been saving up. We all knew that the birth father would be arriving soon, so we decided that they would leave so that they did not bump into each other in departure/arrival. Just as they left my hotel room, the birth father called saying that he was down stairs. I had a brief feeling of panic that they would all collide in the hall way. Lucky for all of us, he came up a different entrance and they missed each other.
During my meeting with birth father, he said he would like to meet “his baby” before he signed. I called the adoptive couple and they agreed to return with baby to meet the birth father. When everyone arrived, I was impressed with the birth father’s tender response in hugging birth mom. He was tearful in meeting the couple and baby. We all visited a short time before he was ready to sign the legal consent. We continued to visit and share information. It was a sweet experience and will bring peace to all parties for the opportunity to meet.
Previously, the adoptive dad told me that their first son was only 19 months old. They had just completed their Adoption Study and were on the “beta” web site. The mom was concerned that their profile would not be seen unless they got onto the “old” web site. They went thru the hassle of getting onto the site and had 2 hits on the same day—both from my birth moms. They were chosen by Lisa. They felt that the Lord led them to each other. They also had picked the same name for “their child”. How cool is that?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
AN IDEA IS BORN
For the past few months, I (Tawnia) have been working with an intern (Tara).
We call ourselves the TA TA GIRLS.
We call ourselves the TA TA GIRLS.
Through all the stress of the work, we enjoy each other.
We both have a passion to connect, help, support, and give a voice to Birth Mothers.
I have a blog---Birth Mother Heroes, which is where I share some of my experience as a "birth parent worker" at LDS Family Services.
We both have a passion to connect, help, support, and give a voice to Birth Mothers.
I have a blog---Birth Mother Heroes, which is where I share some of my experience as a "birth parent worker" at LDS Family Services.
Tara placed a child about 7 years ago.
She is developing a web page for birth moms.
The plan also includes girl talking through the Internet to find personal support and sharing information.
I have long felt that Birth Moms are the "un-sung hero".
I want to give attention to the "giver" (birth mom), not the "receiver" (adoptive couple) or the "gift" (baby).
It is easy to love the baby as the new parents are gifted.
It is difficult to sacrifice what you love for reasons not easily understood to others and move forward in life.
FSA (FAMILIES SUPPORTING ADOPTION) CONFERENCE
Recently, July 2008, Families Supporting Adoption, hosted a regional conference in Bellevue. Part of my responsibility was to introduce the birth mother panels for each day. On Friday, a mother/daughter team from Oregon shared and Tara (my colleague and intern) with her mother spoke about their experience.
Oregon mom shared about the challenges of placing over 20 years ago and the painful feelings of the experience—especially knowing so little. She currently runs the birth parent group for her local agency and shared how difficult it was/is to go back and visit some of her feelings as she works with the birth moms. Her daughter placed two children in the last few years. Her story was told through mom’s experience (BM shy). One painful piece was the way people treated her daughter and as her mother not being able to do anything about what her daughter would experience through this experience.
Tara’s mom agreed that being the grandma was difficult and wishing she could do more to help her daughter. She talked of the struggles her daughter has had through life.
Tara placed over eight years ago and received very little letters/photos from her adoptive couple. Working with the birth moms through her internship has awakened feelings of grief and anger that she didn’t allow herself to feel before. “The pain (of placing a child) doesn’t ever go away, but it has gotten less over the years,” she shared. “I haven’t forgotten my child.” Her sadness comes from not knowing anything about her child. She told the audience to not be afraid of their birth mother, to support and love her. “We aren’t scary”, she said.
Both birth moms are now married. Tara has had a child since placement. The Oregon mom has a child and announced to her mom that she was expecting. Her husband will be getting on a submarine in a few days and going out to sea. Tell me that isn’t hard.
Oregon mom shared about the challenges of placing over 20 years ago and the painful feelings of the experience—especially knowing so little. She currently runs the birth parent group for her local agency and shared how difficult it was/is to go back and visit some of her feelings as she works with the birth moms. Her daughter placed two children in the last few years. Her story was told through mom’s experience (BM shy). One painful piece was the way people treated her daughter and as her mother not being able to do anything about what her daughter would experience through this experience.
Tara’s mom agreed that being the grandma was difficult and wishing she could do more to help her daughter. She talked of the struggles her daughter has had through life.
Tara placed over eight years ago and received very little letters/photos from her adoptive couple. Working with the birth moms through her internship has awakened feelings of grief and anger that she didn’t allow herself to feel before. “The pain (of placing a child) doesn’t ever go away, but it has gotten less over the years,” she shared. “I haven’t forgotten my child.” Her sadness comes from not knowing anything about her child. She told the audience to not be afraid of their birth mother, to support and love her. “We aren’t scary”, she said.
Both birth moms are now married. Tara has had a child since placement. The Oregon mom has a child and announced to her mom that she was expecting. Her husband will be getting on a submarine in a few days and going out to sea. Tell me that isn’t hard.
I AM POUTING
I MISS TARA!
She reminded me today that it was just about a year ago when we started having some of our adventures. Perhaps I can share some of them later. Through the past year, we have served many and grown "tight". She would tease me that she would know what I was going to say or do before I did it.
Sadly, during this time together, Tara had plenty of hardships. Sore tooth, numb face, leaking roof, flooded basement, run over cell phone, lost jobs and more.......
We also worked together to share ideas and help birth moms. Tara helped put on the first Birth Mother Day. She planned the first Birth Mother Retreat. We even gave a "shower" of love to the girls we worked with and presented them with a donated quilt. (more to come later)
I keep trying to get her to come back to visit.
MICHAEL MCLEAN
On Friday evening, Michael McLean came to the FSA conference. He sat at my dining table and I was able to listen to him visit with people and watch the interaction. I did not want to hog his time and didn’t have much to say because I thought his presence was for the other people attending the conference. Tara says she “loves him because he is depressed”. We wondered if he were not depressed if he would be able to write the songs. We also wondered what “depression” could teach an individual struggling with heavy feelings.
Michael’s performance was like a fireside. He spoke about his songs/feelings/learning and then sang the song. He shared his experience of having the Savior closer to his life and how that came to be—he started seeing things differently. He spoke a little of his wife and children. He shared about becoming a “grandpa” and having a new perspective of parents of a placing birth mom.
In the end, Michael invited the audience to sing the chorus with him. We weren’t loud enough the first time, so we did it again. (Does that sound like Primary?) I was glad to sing again because I wanted to get louder and feel more. I was sitting with Tara on one side and my daughter on the other. Next to my daughter was the agency attorney who received an award that evening for being a “Friend of Adoption”. I think he is a great man and appreciate what he does for the agency. The four of us joined arms (Michael’s request) and sang along, getting louder and louder. I felt connected, in that row, to some of the pain that might be felt and the hope for healing. I know my pain isn’t like anyone else’s. We all suffer or feel in different ways. Tara has asked me how I can be so “happy” and I tell her it is a choice for me. I cannot afford to go “under”. Anyway, as Tara said, working with birth moms is painful----YET, what else would we do?
These girls are heroes to me and they deserve to be loved and supported. I choose to be a part of that, even if it means I have to see and experience pain.
I hope that people everywhere, especially birth moms, will find the love, peace and healing they need as they “never forget”.
Michael’s performance was like a fireside. He spoke about his songs/feelings/learning and then sang the song. He shared his experience of having the Savior closer to his life and how that came to be—he started seeing things differently. He spoke a little of his wife and children. He shared about becoming a “grandpa” and having a new perspective of parents of a placing birth mom.
In the end, Michael invited the audience to sing the chorus with him. We weren’t loud enough the first time, so we did it again. (Does that sound like Primary?) I was glad to sing again because I wanted to get louder and feel more. I was sitting with Tara on one side and my daughter on the other. Next to my daughter was the agency attorney who received an award that evening for being a “Friend of Adoption”. I think he is a great man and appreciate what he does for the agency. The four of us joined arms (Michael’s request) and sang along, getting louder and louder. I felt connected, in that row, to some of the pain that might be felt and the hope for healing. I know my pain isn’t like anyone else’s. We all suffer or feel in different ways. Tara has asked me how I can be so “happy” and I tell her it is a choice for me. I cannot afford to go “under”. Anyway, as Tara said, working with birth moms is painful----YET, what else would we do?
These girls are heroes to me and they deserve to be loved and supported. I choose to be a part of that, even if it means I have to see and experience pain.
I hope that people everywhere, especially birth moms, will find the love, peace and healing they need as they “never forget”.
MORE FSA ADVENTURES
Saturday morning, I met with Stacey to work on one of our future plans. We are hoping to come up with a presentation that birth moms can take into the local high schools to educate them about the Adoption Option. We brain stormed and plan to have a power point and outline ready to go soon. Stacey even has 2 classes waiting to be the “guinea pig”. (It is amazing what can happen when people step in to help make a difference.)
As we visited, Stacey asked if I knew Emily—a birth mom that Stacey had come across. I did remember Emily and we were saying “it is a small world”. As the conversation and planning slowed, I asked Stacey to go to the LDS Bookstore with me. I needed to have my new scriptures engraved. When we entered the store, there was Michael McLean signing books. He remembered me from last night. (He should have because he had a photo taken with me.) He was busy signing and talking, so I moved on quickly. I had my scriptures engraved and was turning to leave when Emily appeared. She just happened to be in the store with 3 of her children and she was pregnant with #5. I thought it was too amazing that Stacey and I were talking about her and then we run into her. Really small world.
As we visited, Michael McLean came up to me and asked if I needed anything from him. I was puzzled and then realized he probably through I wanted an autograph or to purchase one of his items. I needed neither and told him I great. He expressed appreciation to me for “being in the trenches” and offered a hug. (Tara scolded me later for not getting an autograph for her.)
As we visited, Stacey asked if I knew Emily—a birth mom that Stacey had come across. I did remember Emily and we were saying “it is a small world”. As the conversation and planning slowed, I asked Stacey to go to the LDS Bookstore with me. I needed to have my new scriptures engraved. When we entered the store, there was Michael McLean signing books. He remembered me from last night. (He should have because he had a photo taken with me.) He was busy signing and talking, so I moved on quickly. I had my scriptures engraved and was turning to leave when Emily appeared. She just happened to be in the store with 3 of her children and she was pregnant with #5. I thought it was too amazing that Stacey and I were talking about her and then we run into her. Really small world.
As we visited, Michael McLean came up to me and asked if I needed anything from him. I was puzzled and then realized he probably through I wanted an autograph or to purchase one of his items. I needed neither and told him I great. He expressed appreciation to me for “being in the trenches” and offered a hug. (Tara scolded me later for not getting an autograph for her.)
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